Self-Trust is an essential ingredient for every relationship. Without trust, hardly any bond will be secure and viable enough to prosper.
However, when it comes to ourselves do we tend to build such a relationship of trust? Barely. Yet, this is the focal point from where we should begin.
Having self-trust is the first step to living authentically and enjoying meaningful relationships. But are we all lucky enough to have it? And if not can we build it?
Here is what you need to know about self-trust.
What is Self-Trust?
Self-trust is actually the faith you have in yourself. We define trust in general as a solid belief in the trustworthiness, credibility, truth, integrity, ability, or power of someone or something.
When it comes to ourselves this belief comes from inside and is directed back to us. Like trust which is by far the most important prerequisite for successful relationships, self-trust is the basic element of self-confidence and self-esteem.
It’s quite difficult to be confident about chasing after your goals if you don’t trust that you will reach them. It is also even more difficult to believe that you are worthy of achieving them.
Self-trust is what helps you navigate this world and its ups and downs, connect healthily with other people and dare to go after what you want out of life.
How is Self-Trust Built?
The truth is that self-trust is built from age zero. And it depends on the way you were raised.
If your caregivers were focused on you as a baby and concentrated on fulfilling your needs with love and consistent presence, then you learn to trust them and eventually, you begin to see yourself as a trustworthy person.
You also start feeling confident in yourself and embracing faith in your own abilities, judgment, and character traits.
On the other hand, if your upbringing was unpredictable or you have suffered any kind of abuse, be it overt or covert, then you probably have lost trust in your primary caregivers which has then led to breaking the feeling of self-trust in you too.
This also can happen in adulthood if you experience some sort of major failure and you lose faith in yourself, or you become a victim of a toxic relationship that deprived you of trust in other people, in your judgment, and in the end in yourself.
What Happens When You Lack Self-Trust?
Lack of self-trust can cost you. In many aspects.
You may strive to make decisions or doubt them once you make them. You may seek excessively the opinions and consults of others to help you diminish your ambivalence.
You may also fear getting out of your comfort zone to fulfill the dreams you have in life or you may unconsciously sabotage any attempts to reach your goals.
What’s more, you may be more prone to accepting misbehaviors from others as it is more probable to engage in people-pleasing gestures that in the long run will undermine your self-respect and self-esteem.
People who don’t trust themselves can hardly set firm boundaries and put their needs and wants first.
They often dread rejection and criticism. All these things keep you stuck in life and more often than not trigger feelings of anxiety and depression.
However, the good news is that self-trust is a muscle. And like a muscle, it can be trained with the right exercises.
Self-Trust Can Be Built Along The Way
Regardless of the way you were raised or what may have happened to you as a grown-up, self-trust is a quality that can be built and strengthened along the way.
But, as with all things in life, it doesn’t come automatically. You have to put effort into it.
6 Ways To Get Your Self-Trust Back
So, here are some useful tips and ways to help you (re)gain trust in yourself:
1. Get to really know yourself
You cannot build self-trust if you don’t know who you are as a person. And I mean the real you. At your core. People use to adopt a persona based on how others perceive them. But this can be misleading.
The famous aphorism “know thyself” still after so many centuries talks about the importance of knowing who you are, your likes and dislikes, your beliefs, and your dreams. Your strong points and the aspects of yourself that you hide from others and that may not be so pleasant. Self-knowledge is the basis of self-trust.
How can you gain more insight into your authentic self? –Well, you can start by cultivating more self-awareness either by writing down your thoughts and feelings daily, practicing meditation regularly, and daring acting in alignment with your values.
When you begin to act more of yourself you enhance the trust in yourself and others start seeing you as more trustworthy.
2. Be yourself
Once you start discovering yourself you can start being yourself. This means daring to show up to this world with your authenticity. After all, everyone else is taken as Oscar Wild wisely stated once.
Let your true self emerge and begin behaving under your deepest needs and wants, your beliefs, and your values. People are not fond of phonies.
They value and respect uniqueness. Acting authentically will not only direct you toward a more fulfilling life but will also help you build more self-confidence and permit you to learn more about yourself. It is a lifelong journey. But utterly rewarding.
Start small. You can say no to that invitation if you are tired. You can honestly yet politely share your opinion without minding how it is perceived by others. It is not your responsibility.
You can wear the outfit you like without fearing criticism. You can trust that voice inside you that says you better stay away from that person. And you can set the goal to travel to the Greek islands next summer and start designing the necessary steps to give that plan flesh as I do.
You will see that when you come off as your authentic self, unapologetically, everything shifts. Your energy and as a result the energy of everything around you.
3. Don't get stuck in your mistakes and failures
For you to be more confident and feel more secure, you need to stop beating yourself up about your past mistakes and failures. Remember that you are who you are because of what you have experienced.
So learn from your mistakes and failures, and have no regrets. You can’t change the past. Only the future. That’s the mindset to help you move forward.
Successes and failures will always be a part of your life. The point is how you deal with them and what you learn from them.
When you can learn from the past and understand your experiences, good and bad, you will gain more knowledge. So keep evolving and maturing.
4. Celebrate your victories
I am sure you have many. You just don’t pay so much attention because you focus on your bad moments. Starting today you can write a list of all the things you have accomplished so far and how they made you feel.
This will help you take the next step and gain even more confidence. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity to enjoy every success. Set small, achievable goals, and celebrate your victories. They don’t have to always be big.
If you didn’t eat that cookie today, give yourself applause. If you didn’t skip your gym class despite being tired do it also.
If you talked to your spouse honestly and compassionately about the thing he did that bothered you instead of lashing out or criticizing him go to the mirror and shout “Hurray”! And self-trust will come along.
5. Engage in positive self-talk
Positive affirmations can do wonders. Every morning before you leave home go to the mirror (again), look yourself in the eye, and speak loud words like “I am worthy”, “I am lovable”, and “I have trust in myself regardless of the outcome of my decisions”.
Be sure to always use positive language in the present tense. In that way, you can train your subconscious toward self-trust. You know what they say: fake it till you make it.
Gradually you will start seeing the changes in your mood and subsequently in your behavior.
6. Make room for self-care
Self-care is vital for your well-being. It is a manifestation of self-love. And how can you trust yourself if you are not loving toward him?
An example of self-care is adopting a morning and night routine dedicated to your health. Mental and physical. Beauty included.
Don’t skip dental floss. Sleep at least 7 hours. Read a book instead of scrolling down your social media feed before going to bed. Soak in a bubble bath.
Start your day with skincare and a nutritious breakfast. Break free from addictions like smoking, drinking alcohol, or using drugs.
Keep toxic people at arm’s length. Invest in growth and self-actualization. Build yourself from the inside out and self-trust will follow.
Ready for more self-trust?
Building self-trust comes with having faith and listening to your inner guidance, embracing your uniqueness, and sticking to act in alignment with your authenticity rather than what others expect from you.
And if you need a helping hand to assist you on your first attempts and get you going, I can be your ally. And easy to reach too!
I am only a free-of-charge discovery call away. And if you dare to reach out, just for one brief yet inspiring call we can discover together your soft spots and design a custom-made plan that will serve your needs and promote your self-trust journey.
Don’t think about it too much. I know that lack of self-trust will make you ambivalent and cautious about it. But worry not. You have nothing to lose but a lot to gain.
And most importantly a passport to a new life. A life that you can mold the way you like it by trusting that you can do it.
I trust that you can. Do you?
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